I woke up to what I thought was a sale, but it wasn’t, which reinforced my sense of defeat. Today, however, I noticed that I’m getting used to this discomfort. Not because I’m content with what I perceive as my business’s precarious profitability this month, but because I’ve accepted that I’ve done everything I could and that some things really are beyond my control.
The Queen of Pentacles reversed in the body position represents the element of Earth being ill-dignified through separation and detachment from the sources that once nurtured and sustained life beyond nature itself: a passion for daily routines, a sense of belonging to one’s environment, and social relationships.
It’s true: one of my first thoughts today was that I don’t have the energy to talk to my best friend. I haven’t exchanged messages with her or anyone else in four days, and I don’t want to. I don’t want to pretend everything is fine. I don’t want to feel the absence of a hug.
The Ten of Pentacles in the mind position dignifies the element of Earth and seems to speak to this acceptance: I’ve found comfort amid the turmoil precisely because I have nowhere to escape to, much less anyone to rely on but myself to get through this period.
The King of Swords reversed in the spirit position represents the element of Air being ill-dignified and, once again, how my spirit/purpose is being crushed by a rationality that turns against itself, revealing a struggle to mature.
Both the Ten of Pentacles and the King of Swords also appeared in yesterday’s reading. The former appeared in the same mind position, but reversed, while the latter appeared in a separate reading, also reversed, just as it did today.
What changed between yesterday and today was acceptance: fear of the future (of my business heading toward ruin) is giving way to contingency plans (yesterday, I started a new project and devised a Plan B in case my efforts fail to bring in any more clients), but I’m still heavily influenced by illusions created by the ego to escape pain, rather than by a genuine desire for growth.